13. Shopping trip
Today is my husband's birthday so I figure it is my turn to go shopping. He has been getting the groceries so far but today I am going to go and do a proper shop.
So I take the car and venture into the crazy world outside.
I leave the kids with a bare fridge and scraps of carrots and turnips leftover from yesterday's dinner and head off to my usual supermarket.
I get really excited when I see an empty carpark and think to myself I was right to go at lunchtime. If the kids complain I will tell them it is all about timing and that there are plenty of kids in the world that would be happy to have leftover parsnips for lunch.
I fiddle around for a bit to find a trolley that goes straight. I can. I am on my own.
But as I am getting near the entrance things look a little strange.
What's going on? There are big huge yellow signs saying I cannot use that door. Nor that one. Not that one either. So I keep on pushing my trolley and following the yellow signs feeling like it is some kind of orienteering course and that I look like an idiot.
I get to the end of this assault course and the big yellow signs say 'ENTREE'. But then there is red and white tape as if on a crime scene and rows and rows of fences. I ask a lady in front of me:
'Excuse me, is this the queue to get in to the shop?'
'Yes! Of course it is.' she growls at me.
I step back in horror. I want to say something but I think it is better not too. So I manoeuvre my trolley (thank God I picked a good one) around all these people who just open a wide path for me. They look a little annoyed. I can't think why. They will get in faster.
Back into my car, I think no problem I will get into the frozen food place, get the fish and seafood and by the time I'm done all these French people will be home having lunch. Wine, cheese, garlic and all that.
But when I get back there they are still plenty of people waiting in line. FRENCH PEOPLE! IN FRANCE! People who normally do not know how to stand in line and wait for their turn.
I drive around to the next supermarket. I have lost my token and one woman literally throws one at me and yells from a distance:
'Do not take these trolleys, they have not been disinfected. Take the ones inside.'
My heart is beginning to sink. I get to the entrance. Again all the big signs making me walk all the way around the building to the one door open and again a big long line of French people waiting patiently. Again I ask.
'Excuse me, is this the queue to get in to the shop?'
Same answer. Same look.
In the third supermarket no queue. I go in. No food. I grab a few items at random: 6 packs of organic eggs, 4 packs of plain yogurt, a bottle of Gin and a really expensive red smoothie claiming to give me all the energy I need. (Hopefully the kids won't drink it or I am a dead woman.)
I am thinking they are going to moan because I did not get anything from their list (they do not like Gin yet, pity!).
I am already planning to go into town and shop in that store that makes me think I am in 'The Little House on the Prairie'.
I sigh heavily as I get into my car.
Suddenly around the corner, I can see a police car. I do not have my stupid paper and I do not even have my phone with me. So very very slowly and silently I close the boot of the car, get into the driver's seat, pretend to fiddle with all the mirrors and the bits I never check. The car's still there, they're waiting for me.
I should have stayed in bed today.
Hanging around is not good for the Gin. And I've got yogurt too in there. So I start the engine, pull out of the car park and wave and smile at them. The smile of a woman who has had enough and is not going to be happy being asked about a bit of paper saying she can go shopping. I grin. They look at me. Stare. Wave. I try hard to put on a dumb look. And then a wee guy on his moped swings by and skids on the gravel. Misses the tree by the skin of his nose. The police man turns to look at him. I rave the engine and I am off.
For a moment I think I am too cheeky and there is going to be a car chase in the streets of my town, with me speeding off into the distance onto the dusty roads, music on full blast: 'Thelma and Louise! Wait for me! Here I come! I have got the gin and the super smoothie!'
The police man completely ignores me.
So I take the car and venture into the crazy world outside.
I leave the kids with a bare fridge and scraps of carrots and turnips leftover from yesterday's dinner and head off to my usual supermarket.
I get really excited when I see an empty carpark and think to myself I was right to go at lunchtime. If the kids complain I will tell them it is all about timing and that there are plenty of kids in the world that would be happy to have leftover parsnips for lunch.
I fiddle around for a bit to find a trolley that goes straight. I can. I am on my own.
But as I am getting near the entrance things look a little strange.
What's going on? There are big huge yellow signs saying I cannot use that door. Nor that one. Not that one either. So I keep on pushing my trolley and following the yellow signs feeling like it is some kind of orienteering course and that I look like an idiot.
I get to the end of this assault course and the big yellow signs say 'ENTREE'. But then there is red and white tape as if on a crime scene and rows and rows of fences. I ask a lady in front of me:
'Excuse me, is this the queue to get in to the shop?'
'Yes! Of course it is.' she growls at me.
I step back in horror. I want to say something but I think it is better not too. So I manoeuvre my trolley (thank God I picked a good one) around all these people who just open a wide path for me. They look a little annoyed. I can't think why. They will get in faster.
Back into my car, I think no problem I will get into the frozen food place, get the fish and seafood and by the time I'm done all these French people will be home having lunch. Wine, cheese, garlic and all that.
But when I get back there they are still plenty of people waiting in line. FRENCH PEOPLE! IN FRANCE! People who normally do not know how to stand in line and wait for their turn.
I drive around to the next supermarket. I have lost my token and one woman literally throws one at me and yells from a distance:
'Do not take these trolleys, they have not been disinfected. Take the ones inside.'
My heart is beginning to sink. I get to the entrance. Again all the big signs making me walk all the way around the building to the one door open and again a big long line of French people waiting patiently. Again I ask.
'Excuse me, is this the queue to get in to the shop?'
Same answer. Same look.
In the third supermarket no queue. I go in. No food. I grab a few items at random: 6 packs of organic eggs, 4 packs of plain yogurt, a bottle of Gin and a really expensive red smoothie claiming to give me all the energy I need. (Hopefully the kids won't drink it or I am a dead woman.)
I am thinking they are going to moan because I did not get anything from their list (they do not like Gin yet, pity!).
I am already planning to go into town and shop in that store that makes me think I am in 'The Little House on the Prairie'.
I sigh heavily as I get into my car.
Suddenly around the corner, I can see a police car. I do not have my stupid paper and I do not even have my phone with me. So very very slowly and silently I close the boot of the car, get into the driver's seat, pretend to fiddle with all the mirrors and the bits I never check. The car's still there, they're waiting for me.
I should have stayed in bed today.
Hanging around is not good for the Gin. And I've got yogurt too in there. So I start the engine, pull out of the car park and wave and smile at them. The smile of a woman who has had enough and is not going to be happy being asked about a bit of paper saying she can go shopping. I grin. They look at me. Stare. Wave. I try hard to put on a dumb look. And then a wee guy on his moped swings by and skids on the gravel. Misses the tree by the skin of his nose. The police man turns to look at him. I rave the engine and I am off.
For a moment I think I am too cheeky and there is going to be a car chase in the streets of my town, with me speeding off into the distance onto the dusty roads, music on full blast: 'Thelma and Louise! Wait for me! Here I come! I have got the gin and the super smoothie!'
The police man completely ignores me.
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