33. Mum's educational programme (1/5)

Everyone is sitting around the table having lunch. And we are not having croque-monsieur. 😉

'All right everyone, let us have a new project. We are getting quite sluggish here waiting for schools to reopen. Mum's got to take over.'

Big sighs and rolling of the eyes all round the table. Even my husband seems worried.

'Come on! I'm expecting more enthusiasm from the troops here!'

'What now?' says eldest kid lowering her head into her hands and almost crashing into her plate.

Child number 2 just raises her eyes to the ceiling which I do my best to ignore. I want to keep the enthusiasm going so it is essential I keep the mood up.

'Good! I can see you are all for it. So listen to me!' (At this stage I think I must seriously be missing the classroom.) 

'It is easy. Basically I want you to read. Books. Made of paper. With lots of pages.'

They all look at me with weary eyes, look at each other ...

'That sounds so ... exuberant!' says son of the family in a very enthusiastic manner.

Everyone's looking at him.

'Well, see! I have got good vo - ca - bu - la - ry . From books that I read, every night, in my bed ...'

Everyone turns round towards boy of the family, half of family looks  in wonder and the other half is in stitches.

'You could not read a word that complicated!
'You would not remember it!'
'You don't even know what it means!'
'My goodness! You do read!' (That's me making this seriously positive comment.)
'It means ...erm ...' he clears his throat. 'It means ...' a brief pause for effect, then he blurts out rapidly:

'characterised by a vigorously imaginative artistic style'

Everyone's in stitches except me. I am about to lecture the girls when I notice they are staring towards the screen saver on the computer. It is set on word of the day. And word of the day is: 'exuberant'.

'Ha Ha! They giggle! You're reading it off the screen!'

'Well, still a big word. Can I get a brownie point, mum?'

Meanwhile baby of the family has got up and grabbed a book from the kitchen shelf and is reading out loud:

'5 marshmallows, red food colouring, blue food colouring, green food colouring, orange food colouring, a teaspoon of ...'

Oh no! Not that book! How many times over the years have I put that book in the bin (Yes I know, I tend to use the bin as the miracle solution to my problems) but it keeps reappearing again and again! I remember a friend gave it to me saying: 'My kids keep bugging me about those cakes, my mother gave me that book but there's no way I could make something like that. I buy birthday cakes from the supermarket. You're French! You have it!' I never had the heart to tell her that French people preferred tarte au citron or moelleux au chocolat, and fait-maison for their children. In retrospect I should have.'

'Oh No! Not that one, please!' 

This project is backfiring big time.

They all start talking at the same time, laughing and being clearly enthusiastic.

'That book! I thought you'd chucked it in the bin!'

'Oh yes! We loved that book! These cakes looked so cool!'

'I remember the exact cakes I wanted! You never made them for me!' 

'We kept asking over and over again! You never made a single one!'

'Yes! You always ended up 'losing' the book!'

'Can we make one?' And they're not even waiting for my answer. 'Yes! Let's make one ourselves.'

'Yes, let us chose a page at random. Ask Siri for a random number between ... 21 and 124 ...'

'74. Man on the moon cake! Great choice!'

'Ok, shopping list! Here we go ...'

And they're off. My husband is loading the dishwasher, oblivious to the problem. And I am thinking that things never go according to plan.  


The book is Children's Party Cakes 50 imaginative step-by-step recipes. Carole Hanslip 1991. Free to a good home.