52. Heatwave

The weather is dull and grey and the result is inside our house it is freezing. Yet the stupid boiler control won’t pick up on that. I keep checking it to see if the central heating system is kicking off. But no. The readings are: 'reasonable temperatures outside and inside that do not require for the house to be heated'. 

Well, I happen to disagree with this verdict. So I carry the remote control around the house to place it at strategic points. I try the windowsill,  the mantelpiece, the cupboard, I even place it outside on the terrace. Nothing does it. The boiler stays off.

Turning the heater on from the boiler itself is not an option. I have to use this stupid little device.

Normally when I am cold and in a good mood I try ironing or hand washing the dishes or even since lockdown floor cleaning but I am not in a good mood because I have real work to do. Real work. The boring one that pays for the electricity bills. And so that gives me the right to turn it on as I please. I can't have this little bit of plastic resist me and ruin my afternoon even more.

Suddenly I have a brilliant idea: I’ll put the controller in the fridge!  I won’t leave it for very long. Just enough to get that stupid boiler to kick in. Off it goes and sits between the eggs and the broccoli.

I am now in a very good mood and get on with my work.

Some time later my husband comes home as I’m sitting at my desk.

'It’s hot in here! Is the heating on?'

'I don't know. I've been working. But it's cold today so maybe the heating has kicked in.'

'I doubt it. It's not cold, just grey and drizzly.'

He goes upstairs to get changed. I leave my desk and hurry to the fridge to retrieve the forgotten gadget. Goodness! The thing reads 4 degrees Celsius! At least my fridge is working fine. That’s good to know.

Now I'm running around like a headless chicken to try and get the thing warm to get the central heating system to turn itself off. The oven springs to mind but I quickly decide no, it would be too slow to heat up. The window sill? There is no sun today, it won't do. I know I’ll take it to the bathroom and blow dry it.

Someone knocks at the door:

'Mum! Is the heating on? It's really hot upstairs!'

'Mum? What are you doing?'

'Nothing. I'll be right there.'

I do not want my family to think I do not care about the electricity bill and that I do not care about the planet. So I keep going and it works! The thing now reads 27 degrees Celsius.

Perfect! I shove it in the drawer and head downstairs and announce rather proudly:

'The boiler is off. I've just checked. It must have come on for a bit. But you know it does get really chilly in here.'

'Maybe. You sure you did not turn it on?'

'Of course not. You know you can't. It's all automatic. But I think we need to get it serviced as it does seem to turn itself on at the drop of a hat. Maybe the sensor's broken.'

I'm thinking yeah maybe there's some truth in that but I won't bother my husband with boring technical details. I'll let him enjoy his cup of tea.