54. Shopping habits (1/2)

Lockdown changed us all. I've always bought white toilet paper. But on one of my shopping trips at the heart of this crisis, I could not find any.  And guess what, you can't find the brand of white toilet paper that people in your household are used to seeing and suddenly the whole family is up in arms.

'Why is the toilet paper pink?' Inquisitive/Organiser Daughter asks, pondering into the tall basket where we keep tons of it (I've always had this inner fear of running out of this precious modern item.)

'There was no more white. It's just toilet paper. Let me concentrate on what I'm doing.'

'That's so weird. Pink toilet paper! I mean, where did you get that? Even in hotels and restaurants, it's white. Even in school!' 

'If you don't like it, go trail the supermarkets and bring back some white.'

'No need to take it like that. I was just saying.'

I sigh. I do not want to get into this conversation. And I am trying to concentrate on my work.

A while later.

'Mum!'

Louder:

'Mum!'

'Yes?' I reply for fear of her shouting even louder. I just cannot concentrate on this lesson I am planning.

'We've got no toilet paper in our bathroom upstairs. And I cannot find any. Did you forget to get some?'

I sigh. Roll my eyes and it feels good. This is Perfectionist/Maths-Head daughter. Should I run to the cellar? I decide to be brave.

'No, I didn't. There's a pack on the landing for you girls.' (Actually it's been sitting there a while but I don't say that. The situation is clearly bad enough. I am on crisis management mode now.

I hear footsteps. The footsteps stop on the landing. Yes, victory. She's found it.

'Aaaaah! But it's pink!' She yells.

Oh no! Here we go again. What is it with this family? I am thinking I need to add a note in my 'Raising a child' guide : make sure you introduce your kids to different colours of toilet papers when they are very young. My children might thank me for this when they have offspring of their own.

'Yes. It is. Pink. Get used to it. Truly it's not that bad.'

'Oh! But that is so weird. And pink toilet paper doesn't go well with the green of our bathroom!'

Am I hearing this? Surely not. Is she talking to herself?

'It will go with the mess. It will compliment it.'

'Not funny.'

I am thinking, no, it is not funny but it is a reasonable repartee from a modern working mother who is - obviously - on top of things.

A while later. My son comes down. I fear the worst is still to come. Surely he is not going to pay attention to that. I relax and concentrate on my lesson.

'Mum? Why did you buy pink toilet paper?'

My heat sinks. But I am losing patience now. I want to get this lesson done. So I go off on one, and again it feels good.

'Are you all going to come to me? One at a time and ask me stupid questions about the toilet paper and why it is the wrong colour? Supposing there is a right colour for it. What kind of reply do do you kids expect? Oh sweetie, I'm sorry, I dropped it in a pot of pink paint. Or maybe hey sweetie, do you like it? There were giving it away for free! Such a great opportunity, you know, change the colour of our toilet paper!' I am yelling now. 'I mean, anyway, since when do you care about the COLOUR OF TOILET PAPER?'

'All right! All right! I get it! I just was thinking it's nice a change of colour in that department. Pink!'

And then he adds, pleased with himself. 

'What about blue? I've never seen blue. Why can't we get blue? And why do you always get white anyway? That's boring and so repetitive.'

I'm thinking: the cellar, if only I could pop out for a baguette to get away from it all. But I can't! I am stuck here. Thank goodness the lesson I am not teaching live online.

Soon, my husband comes home from work (his relaxing work alone in the office with no one to look at, no one to speak to), goes and gets changed (i. e. to the bathroom) then comes down and says to me:

'Funny that. You've never bought pink toilet paper before. What's the change?'