70. Humpty (2/2)

As I was opening my front door my neighbour John said to me .

'Humpty came in covered in soot last night, makes you wonder what people keep in their garden. I know some of them still have coal sheds out there but I mean who would think they still had coal in the coal shed?'

I mumbled something and disappeared inside as quickly as I could.

1) The coal shed is a difficult topic of conversation for us

2) So is the cat

3) I knew exactly why Humpty was covered in soot.

......

I often sit downstairs late at night to write this blog. I like it when the house is empty and quiet. This is exactly what I was doing last night when a loud metallic clang made me jump right out of my skin. I nearly screamed.

I went to the door that opens onto the garden and had a look outside: I thought maybe one of the gutters had come down or we'd left something out such as a stepladder or an umbrella (all highly plausible). I was just beginning to realise my assumptions were ridiculous because there was no wind at all when I heard a second clang, its metallic bong echoing terribly inside our small walled garden. This time I did not scream. I was petrified! I quickly went round to turn all the lights off. Maybe a gang of nasty thieves carrying heavy weapons and huge sacks on their backs were going from garden to garden ransacking homes in this ancient city centre where houses had been arranged higgledy-piggledy over the centuries. We needed to think about moving somewhere where some kind of decent modern planning had been done. What were we doing living here with our family? While all these thoughts were going through my mind I was peering through the glass, hoping not to be seen, and wondering where on earth that noise could come from. 

Bong! There it was again! A lower, deeper peal this time. Maybe there was some kind of religious celebration up at the cathedral? I opened the kitchen door a tad ... but stepped right back to shut it. This time it was not just a single clank but a series of bangs and boings reverberating against the fours corners of my garden. I was frozen on the spot and was wondering if really it was wise to tackle the danger on my own. Maybe I should wake my husband? Call the police?

Then I came back to my senses. I had to deal with this. Remember the mama-in-charge and the who-needs-a-man-anyway. I used the torch of my telephone and very cautiously opened the door wider and slid out onto the patio all the while peering into the dark moonless night. The metallic clanking noise was getting closer, but at the same time and that was very strange indeed, it was getting fainter! 

As I got outside it became obvious that the noise was coming from the barbecue. We have one of these fashionable round shaped barbecue with a lid on it which gives it a kind of (stupid) modern witches cauldron look. Except ours is old and battered and the lid does not fit on properly. I could see that it had fallen on the tiled floor and thought that must have been the cause of the initial bang. I could see the grid had been abandoned on the side of the wall (for the kids to scrub no doubt) and therefore the cool barbecue was now a small beautifully rounded mini-pool for ... Humpty!

I wanted to laugh. But I didn't. The poor cat was in a panic! He was not enjoying his coal bath. He wanted out of the barbecue/pool and to get back on the roof from where he had jumped/fallen (again). But could not. And you know, reader, because you are a faithful one, that John and I disagree on the reasons why he falls/jumps into our garden and cannot climb back out. 

I was not going to grab hold of him, he looked furious and would catch me badly I was certain on it.

I wheeled the barbecue closer to the wall (more noise but apparently I was the only one in the area who had been disturbed) and I used the grid as a stepladder which I propped against the wall. The kids had (obviously) not scrubbed it and it was slippery from the sausage fat but I reckoned the smell of the sausage fat would lure Humpty onto the grid and then onto the roof. I just hoped there was not too much grease as I did not want him to slip and miss the roof.

Humpty is a good cat: he got the message, he used the grid/ladder to get out of the pool/barbecue and onto the roof. I checked to see if John had left the bathroom window opened. He had. Humpty would get in and fall straight into the bath. 

Operation rescue trapped cat 002 complete. And successful. 1 point for John/1 point for me.