90. Weekend 1

 All hell is breaking loose.

The wonderful era of baking, painting, scrubbing and sewing has come to an end.

Everyone is in a state of shock. No-one dares to admit that they are fed up being at home with the whole family except me, and I - very tactfully - let them know.

'At last, I can get my house back. I can leave an item on the table, come back two hours later and oh! Surprise! The item is still there! Oh the joy!'

They all roll their eyes and look at each other. 

'I can buy expensive 98% dark chocolate from a sustainable AB farm somewhere exotic, put it the fridge and it will still be there when when I want to eat some! ...'

They look a little sheepish here so I go on.

'These overpriced energising smoothies, the whole bottle just for me! Hooray!'

My husband, who has never stopped going to the office (yet less work prompted the TGA series of posts) is watching all this frantic hunt for pencil sharpeners, folders, pens ... you name it, they need it. They are desperate to check the boxes on the lists I made for them which makes me feel all smug.

'Are you sure you are going to cope? Won't you need a little practice run before the big day? ... I mean it is going to such a shock to your systems!'

And the kids to shout:

'But we did work!'

But what I did not know was that the hardest bit was going to be the weekend. It started with our son coming back with a bag full of bedlinen to wash. And not a single rugby top, or shorts, or socks to wash. I find this a bit odd. The thing was covered in strawberry jam! Jam!!!

'Jam?' I asked, incredulous.

'Yes, we had jam doughnuts.'

'In bed?'

I close my eyes and imagine 15 rugbymen having a gel-the-team or whatever they call it tea party - in bed - getting bored and using the jam doughnuts as rugby balls. I do not ask questions. I do not want to know. But I wonder if there are any responsible non-rugby players in that boarding house. I will have to investigate (and definitely will write a post about it).

I feel tired. It's only 11:00 on Saturday morning on weekend 1. My son then asks me for washing tabs. 

'The boarding house has washing machines to wash our kits.'

Is he telling me he is using a washing machine of his own accord? Is this also a gel-the-team effort? I wonder what brand the machine is as it will have to be sturdy. I feel so tired.

Then on cue just to keep me awake, the front door goes BANG and our old house gets an other crack.

It's Maths-Head but I have changed her name to Danger-Tornado-Girl. She drops her case in the middle of our rather small lounge and shouts at the top of her voice so the whole house knows.

'I'm going for a driving lesson!!!!!'

'Do you need to shout it out that loud?'

'She does!' pipes in her sister. 'Keeping all of us safe. Stay home everyone!'

Tornado sticks her tongue out at Organiser-Daughter and BANG our house gets an other crack. 

Next it's baby of the family (who is strongly resenting that name) who pops her head in the door. She is wearing a helmet and some strange clothes.

'Am going skateboarding!' 

Miss Organizer, not so badly named after all, announces that she is taking the car to pick up the shopping she has ordered online as there is - apparently NO FOOD in this house. 

'What have you been doing all week?' She asks in a tone I find rather cheeky.

She adds that she needs some decent stuff for the week. I was tired now I am worried: how mush is she going to spend? 

And then suddenly the house goes all still and quiet. Our son has disappeared too. Vanished, off back to his parallel universe ...

It's just the two of us, clueless parents, standing amidst open cases, bulging bags, breakfast crumbs and empty milk cartons ...

'Let's go out.' I say.

'Good idea!'

We go to the market, go for drinks and it feels so good to be out in town with no-one in tow that we decide to have a meal. We text the kids: 'Please make yourself lunch. And clean up after yourselves.' and I add 'Take washing out.' Just in case.

Then we sit and enjoy chilled white wine and seafood risotto, with a 'café gourmand' to make sure we are ready to face the weekend.