455. Things are getting weird and it is only Monday

 Hello dear Blog!

I know I have been neglecting you lately and I am very sorry. You've helped me a lot over the last 5 years (almost and already). Am I being ungrateful? Am I being selfish? Or it is that I am behaving like a cry-baby. Pity you cannot talk back to me.

While I have been away things have got a bit weird. As if an alien has been intruding. Or as if a colleague (one who doesn't like me as there are plenty of those) has found my blog. Maybe time will tell me. Maybe not. Maybe things will stop being weird.

I am honestly sorry to have neglected you and I hope you will forgive me because today I need you. 

It's Friday and this week has been quite a week. 

Monday. 

I prepared something last minute late last night. I had a busy weekend and I forgot that I had to prepare something for my literature class. Not very professional but remember teaching is a tough job and no-one wants to do it anymore. The preparation is not that bad, I have to wing part of it but it should be no problem as I have taught this many times before. Still my positive attitude gets challenged as I notice that two of the most dynamic kids in the class are off. I might have to slip out of the classroom with a pathetic excuse (always the same, have to 'see about something') to copy some worksheets. I set them to work in pairs and try to think in my head about what to do if they do not cooperate. They are so quiet I can hear the birds outside and the teacher next door. 

'Ok. 5 minutes and then we can discuss all this together!'

I open the computer and my heart and my enthusiasm sink at the same time. Faster than the Titanic. 

Rebonjour

 

J’ai reçu un appel de la maman de xxx qui souhaite que vous la rappeliez afin de lui fixer un RDV.

 

Re-bonjour means that this person had said bonjour to me already which in turns means that this is a rather old mail. Anyway this mum of xxx can sing for it a little longer. I gave her daughter detention. That's it. Not making time to discuss this. I'd be rude anyway. So better ignore this. 

I open the other message box (yes, we have 2. Actually we have 5. Not even joking). And here we go again (Titanic now lost forever) another message from another mum going on about sending me a picture of her child's test paper (child is soon to turn 18 by the way) about points missing or something like that. It is a long message and she goes on about last year and I do not understand and I stop reading. Anyway it is too late the report cards are already printed.

Meanwhile the class in front of me is still silent. The pair work I prepared late last night is clearly not working. Maybe they just need more time. They've got a bit of reading to do.

I open a third message. This might be useful. There were two computers unplugged in room 224 last week and I was unable to plug them back in so I informed the competent department. There's the reply.

Bonjour Mrs F,

 

Il y a des détrompeurs sur les prises électriques. C’est pour cela que tu n’arrives pas à remettre la prise.

 

Bon après-midi,

 

Z

By that time I am already at the bottom of the ocean having a silent conversation with the fish. Just like my class. Except they don't have bubbles coming out of their mouths.

I stare at the reply wondering is this is for real. Do all these people have nothing to do at the weekend except mail me? I am flattered, really. This is probably the most useless reply to a simple request ever. Maybe the way I phrased it was not explicit enough. Maybe I should have written: plug computers 11 and 12 back on please thank you.

I want to reply but I would be rude (again) and so I just ignore this to. Détrompeurs!!! I mean who uses words like that!!!! 

Maybe he meant I should rip out the stupid détrompeurs from the wall? Should I bring my toolbox next lesson?

I close the stupid computer and get back to my class and we manage to work our way through the list of adjective to describe Jane Eyre and Edward Rochester. I mean, come on kids, this is thrilling stuff, I was expecting a shouting match in here! The way they are looking at me, they clearly think I'm mad.

Next lesson. 5th year. New York City. I mean that's thrilling stuff too isn't it? 

I get them to work into pairs. Vocabulary about city life. Not rocket science. Yes, I do a lot of pair work on Mondays. Thank you for pointing it out. After some time, I get the class to be quiet (this lot is noisy).

'All right, Linda, your turn. Let's go.'

I am at the board, marker in hand, ready to write away, feeling like Hussain Bolt in the starting blocks.

...

'Come on!' 

...

'Well, go on! We haven't got all day you know!'

'Erm ...'

She looks at me.

'What do you want me to say?'

And I lose it. And I raise my voice and I go on about how am going to go so mad I will have to be locked up and it will be their fault.

'Just think for a tiny second. WHAT ON EARTH AM I ASKING YOU?'

The girl just smiles (stupidly I think) and mumbles something. The marker goes frantic on the board. I abandon the girl and the rest of the class seize that opportunity and fight for attention to collect the  points I give them when they contribute to the lesson. The following lesson the kids point to a computer room that is free and I go in there because I do not want to resurface. I want to stay in the (sunken) Titanic and chat with the fish. I grab lunch and head back through the copier room.

Some teacher talks to me (no bubbles coming out of her mouth) and I think she is taking about an English class trip. But with all the water noises it is difficult to grasp the meaning of it all. I nod. I want to blow bubbles but she might think it rude so I don't. I also want to make the noise of the breathing apparatus I used last summer to dive and speak to the fish. But again that would be so rude.

Did I hear something about Prague? Should I tell her this is not an English-speaking country? I open my mouth in a funny shape but make no sound. I do not know if she gets that in fish language it means this is stupid. Why stop here when you're having so much fun. I head to this class meeting just to hear a teacher say that he keeps all the email addresses of his students because it could one useful.

'You're kidding, right?'

'No, I'm serious.'

I feel I have just resurfaced to upset someone (add that one to the list). 

And then Miss CPE (don't ask) who gently taps me on the forearm and whispers (from being a fish to being a horse) in my ear.

'The mother. You know. She called me again. She is harassing me. She wants you to call her.'

I tell her she and her daughter are trying to harass me as well and so I suggest they both go and harass the head. 

And I add her name to the list of people I have upset.

I literally run down the stairs and across the yard to reach the huge iron fences with the cameras above (so 1984) and bump into a science teacher telling three men that they are couillons and very rude. One tells her she wanted equality she gets it now.

They are laughing! That's good. I resurface for a chat and a laugh and head home. It feels like a Friday evening BUT IT IS ONLY MONDAY. Back down with the fish until I get home and to finish my day with a real animal: Ralph!