152. Optimistic outlook on life

Positive thinking ... Rose tinted glasses ... Look on the bright side ... Don't worry, be happy ... Your life’s a movie (your choice and of course a trashy one is ok) ... A bit grim so grin ... Every cloud has a river lining ... , Hallelujah, It's Raining Men ... .....................................................................

You may have guessed I am trying to be positive. My list is not very long but I can add to it and so can you, reader. If I am truly honest this surge of positive energy comes from some books I have been reading lately and also - very weirdly - from watching the Mars landing (don't ask). On a more humble level it probably has something to do with the fact that the sun is shining bright, the sky is blue with just a few fluffy clouds and it feels well, almost, hot. 

So here I am exuding positivism.

The question is: will my family notice? Will it change my life?

I go downstairs and it is clear that the effect has not reached the kitchen yet. It looks like a bomb site. ... No, no, no. I stop myself in my tracks. That is such a dramatic and negative way of thinking. I'll start again. 

I go downstairs and it is clear that the effect has already reached the kitchen. It looks like we have been feeding crowds of people. Now that's much better. After all this is half-term and everyone is at home and since we are staying put everyone is bringing friends round. So we have a whole bunch of young happy people eating and drinking and making good use of the cooking facilities of our home.

Brilliant. I wish they would make good use of the cleaning facilities too. Next time maybe.

The little positive app recently installed in my brain is happy with the progress I am making. It sends me a notification.

'Brilliant! Embrace the multiple possibilities.'

I even hear the 'bing'. I am of course very happy about this progress I am making and try to ignore the nagging of the other part of my brain telling me to go and seek some kind of psychiatric help. 

My son comes along. The app has been installed and it is running so I'm OK, ready for whatever it is he has to say. 

'Mum! I know what I want to do later!' He is smiling and he looks pleased with himself.

'Oh really! That's goos news! Tell me about it!'

I am secretly congratulating myself at this. All things come to those who wait. The positive vibes are reaching my son. I grin too, pleased with myself too. 

'I want to be a shoe cleaner!' 

To make the statement clearer, he is holding a pair of shoes right under my nose. 

'Oh! ...' 

Be positive. Be positive. Be positive.

'That's ... erm ... that's a really good idea!'

The shoes are a pair of white sneakers which he is holding up proudly. They are semi-clean or semi-dirty I cannot work out which. I don't want to get it wrong by praising the cleanliness of a pair of shoes that hasn't been cleaned nor by commenting on the dirtiness of shoes that have been. Quickly I reckon if he is so happy it is because he has cleaned them already.

'Good job! Almost new!' I exclaim.

'Amazing, isn't it? I didn't even scrub that hard! I could do my sisters' shoes now.'

The app seems to be on override.

'Good idea. Good practice for you.'

He is standing there, obviously amazed about what a bit of scrubbing can do. I am thinking that he has reached an other important milestone in his development and I am proud.

'Can I bake a cake?'

Bing. An other notification. 'Praise and encouragement are keys.' 

'Yes, sure! Good idea.' 

I reflect the kitchen cannot get much worse anyway. But I think he might notice there is something weird about his mum. That's why he keeps going, checking if he can get some kind of normal reaction.

'I'm going to bake chocolate lava cake. Yummy yum yum. And I'm going to do treble ... or maybe even quadruple the ingredients so there's enough for everyone. What do you think?'

'It's a heavy cake so maybe doubling would do? But really, whatever you judge necessary.' 

He looks as if he is taking this very seriously.

Bing. 'Don't swim against the current, swim with it.'

Bing. 'Get out of the comfort zone.'

Bing. 'Fear not.'

Bing. Bing. Bing. 'Positive is powerful.' Bing. 'Don't shun the negative, it's there to trigger the positive.'

I think I am overdoing this as usual. Thankfully the chocolate cake takes me back to the dark days for a breather. When I was ignorant of the benefits of a positive outlook on life and used to hide the chocolate. Now is the time to stop this and get it all out of the hiding place. I send him to the family screen to retrieve our well-tested and approved lava cake recipe and head for the secret stash. Positive attitude lets me find the chocolate in the first hiding place I can think of (don't ask) and I happily lay down all of it on the kitchen table.

'Wow! Great mum! I did not know we had so much! That's over a kilo of chocolate! I can make mountains of cake! A chain of volcanoes oozing chocolate lava ... '

Bing. 'Visualisation is powerful and should not be stifled.'

It makes me want to yell and give up on all the positive mush when Perseverance interferes right away and I give in again.

'Yes, great. I'll leave you to it then.'

I do not want to see my son getting out of his comfort zone while baking his favourite. I'm going to lie down somewhere for a while. This keeping a positive attitude is exhausting. I need a break.

A couple of hours later, I get back in the kitchen. The cake looks undercooked in the inside and yet burnt on the outside. Quite an achievement ... Bing.

My son is talking while he is serving.

'That looks perfect! Crackly outside, runny inside ... yet very ... firm. ... Not to worry. It's Ok. There's an other 4 anyway. That's the last one ... and I was getting a bit tired. ... Oh, what's that?'

Everyone gets closer to have a look. With the first slice, my son pulls out ...

'A spoon!'

'Why did you bake a spoon? Is it a lucky charm?' One of the youngest asks. While all the others are howling with laughter.

'The great spoon cake. Courtesy of our brother!'

'Make sure you place a spoon at the bottom. Soooo important!'

'Was that really in the recipe?' Someone says.

It's chaos in here but soon everyone is stuffing their faces with the chocolate lava (only one was baked with a spoon so my son had to admit lack of concentration did it).

I go through the kitchen my eyes closed and only open them when I am safely out there on the patio. I set my steaming hot cup of tea and lukewarm lava cake on the rusty garden table and I settle myself right under the winter sun. 

Bing. 'Enjoy the present moment.' 

Enjoying my treat I can hear someone rattling their barbecue. That's when I realise my positive vibes are really powerful indeed if they can get through to next door: my neighbour is getting a barbecue ready and it is barely 11°C !!! That's definitely being hopeful and enjoying the moment. But I'm cold and I get back inside, brave enough not to close my eyes I see them clearing up their plates and even spot one wiping the table.

Bing. 'Control is fear. Let go of control.'

Where is all this going to take me, I wonder? Right now I couldn't care less.