229. Birthday present

Mrs Blogger’s birthday is coming up and, in line with her Great Projects, she has chosen a sensible present and has announced it to the whole family.

‘Kitchen knives.’

They turn their heads, looking up to see what the fuss is about now.

‘For my birthday. I want a set of professional - expensive - kitchen knives.’

Then she adds.

‘Nothing else. So please everyone, chip in.’ 

‘A set of knives?’ Baby is the first to recover her senses, sounding impressed, amused and worried at the same time.

Mr Blogger makes a humph kind of utterance proving once more that males do find it difficult to express themselves clearly. He then straightens up and remembers in time that he has to act both as a caring husband and as a responsible father. It is acting a lot of him; after all it is Friday night and Friday night is about a cold beer and nothing else. Certainly not about hunting down complicated birthday presents. He looks around desperately to see if Miss Organiser can help. Sadly (it's Friday night) she is no where to be seen. Finally he manges a pathetic:

‘Kitchen knives. Why not? But haven’t we got enough of those?’ 

‘They’re no good. They are just for amateurs. I want professional knives.'

Then there is a blank.

‘How much is that going to cost?’ Asks Maths-Head, which obviously is not yet ready for a new nickname. 

They are all looking at me as if they do not even know what a set of kitchen knives is. So I hold my hands straight up, hand straight and solid, I hold them up in the air in front of my face for a second and then - without a single warning - I give it the best Japanese sounding yell I could master and at the same time rapidly hit the table: top-tap-tap-tap - chop-chop-chop-chop. They stare.

'Got it?'

They're still staring. They're a bit slow; but they're my family so I am patient with them.

'Bits of carrots and courgettes flying off into the air? ... Vegetable fireworks.’ 

They seem to get it.

‘But ... Remember the one you had? Real sharp, ceramic blade?’

The thing I did not want them to bring up. The thing I wished they had all forgotten. This is actually what is holding me back a bit. Although I will not admit it. You see this whole thing about knives is not new and some time ago I had got myself a ceramic blade knife with a cream blade and it was very sharp. The result was that I emptied a whole box of plasters in two weeks. I ended up throwing it away. 

'This ones won't look like toy ones. They won't trick my brain. And I am prepared this time.' 

'Ok. After all it's your birthday.' My husband says, very reasonably.