231. First meeting of the year

Great. A meeting. It had been a while. Am not going to say I was missing them but with the coffee machine still covered in yellow tape and the staff room always empty I’m beginning to feel a little lonely at work. Nothing like a meeting to cheer everyone up and to get that team spirit back up.

I’m ticking all the boxes on my imaginary checklist as I walk along the   corridors.

a) I am going to take part in a very interesting discussion on challenging topics. 

b) I will come out of the room feeling I have made progress, feeling I have bettered myself; both on an individual and a professional level.

c) I am going to be faced with true leaders who have come prepared and will show us how things move on around here.

d) Last but not least I shall find out what kind of exams I need to prepare these sleepy teenagers for. After all we have been back in school for a while now.

e) I am going to get to drink my coffee and nibble on my biscuits in a properly heated room.

I bounce along the corridor and reach the room in no time and am pleased to see I am not late at all. The sun is shining through the dirty glass panes and makes the room feel almost welcoming.

I sit down at an empty table near the window. If the going gets too tough for me I can always look at the traffic down below or the blue skies above. Soon everyone is sitting down and ready to start but for some reason the people who are to chair the meeting are still hanging around. They look as if they are unsure of something, as if they’ve forgotten a computer or a notepad. So while they sort themselves out I get my coffee out and my slice of homemade vanilla and rhum cake. The aroma is strong and a couple of heads turn my way. I smile back. Proud to be the friendly, open colleague. Still smiling I glance at my watch and see that it is almost quarter past now and the people in charge are still standing, looking around the floor. I tuck into my cake. I sip my coffee. It never ceases to amaze me how good my snacks and my coffee can taste in such dreary environments.

Two latecomers suddenly walk in looking harassed and out of breath and make an impression on the already sleepy assembly. It is now quarter past three and I am worried about the keeping to schedule. Much to my relief the speakers have just found what they were looking for: a loose cable. Aaahs can be heard as the cable is finally in place and the screen behind their heads lights up.

At that point my heart would have sunk had it not been for the vanilla-rhum-coffee blissful mix. The harassed and out-of-breath couple have now recovered and are chatting, oblivious to the drama of the retrieved cable. The first slide comes up and grabs everyone’s attention: it is an over-elaborate table with too many columns, long lists and red arrows. Arrows? They remind me of the arrows on the floor that had kept me amused back then … Everyone seems puzzled and apparently some people have already tried to make sense of all this and, in desperation, have sent mails to ask for some help. I am secretly very glad I never opened this particular e-mail. 

The lady in charge is happy to be questioned about this and starts to show people how to use this amazing table. The room is large, the screen not that big and the staff too far away from it and from each other. Within minutes it is chaos: people calling out to each other, some shouting out advice, others openly criticising the complexity of the process, and the two speakers - from whom clarity, if not wisdom should come - are disagreeing about the process and forgetting their audience which, as a result, is shouting even louder. It is lucky I have something to eat or I would be shouting too.

I look up at the sky. It has gone grey. I am suddenly so tired. I want to go home. I pack my empty coffee cup and cake tin away. I put away my pad and my pencil in my bag. I put my bag over my shoulder, quietly get up from my chair, circle the row of desks along the back windows, reach the door and leave this nonsensical hell.