366. Animal stories

'Sounds like you're in Guyane.'

'Not at all.' Miss R.2.1. replies. 'I'm in the Cantal. Think diagonale du vide.'

She has just posted her latest animal video. Two giant ants (enormous, even I didn't think ants could get that big) viciously attacking eating a grasshopper and chomping on it while it is still alive. This David Attenborough style of animal encounter happened while she was walking along the (disused) train tracks with Ralph the dog.

'Now I need to get two beetles fighting. The big black ones which forms. You know the ones mum?'

'Please, enough of insect world violence for this month.'

Meanwhile I had thought that the dormice family had moved out this year  as they were no attic parties at night and we could sleep undisturbed. I thought the presence of both a male human (my husband) and male dog (Ralph) had put them off. I was wrong. Less partying in the attic this year that's all. I need to investigate the attic. I haven't been up there yet. Maybe the light and sound system is not to their standard. The playlist has not been updated to this summer hits? We are sitting at table after dinner and suddenly Miss R.2.1. jumps out of her chair.

'There. There. Is it a rat climbing up the French doors?'

I jump out of my chair, knocking it over and it makes a hollow sound on the wooden floor. As my husband is not moving I let out a huge scream. Which has the feeble result of making him raise and eyebrow and look int the direction of the door. I think this is just not enough of a reaction so I let out an other - more piercing - scream. The second eyebrow is raised. I go and check for myself. Nothing.

'Yes. Up there.' Miss R.2.1. is strategically placed with her telephone on video setting, ready to shoot from a low angle point of view. I cannot see anything so I open the door (my husband is still sitting on his chair) and I see a furry tail. Not a rat then. I cannot close the door back now because his tiny paw is on the inside of the door frame. I follow my daughter outside and grab my phone too. After all I can post videos too. We get outside and I can hear Miss R.2.1. is being ecstatic.

'Oh it's so cuuuuuute.' She repeats over and over again. 

The poor animal is frozen, hanging there on the top glass frame, still, probably playing dead hoping all these mad paparazzi will lose interest. 

'Turn the lights off.' We shout at my husband - who finally gets up from his chair to go and turn the lights off. It interferes with our flash systems you see. But the poor animal goes from indoors light to flashes in its eyes. Once we have finished with the photo shoot, my husband walks out (finally!) and grabs one of our walking sticks. He nudges the poor creature who refuses to budge and still plays dead. But he insists and the animal decides that playing dead is not the right way to face these three demented humans down there and so it heads up and up and climbs towards the rood and finds the cable that goes along at the top and crosses the width of the house on it at an incredible speed and reaching the end jumps into the gutter and disappears under the eaves into ... our attic. 

Looks like party season is about to start.