448. Mad staffroom

 The world is on the verge of WW3. Wars seem to break out at the drop of a hat. Crime is rife. There is an an epidemic of bankruptcies. Education is in a cul-de-sac. Kids can't read not write properly but they all want to become Elon Musk when they grow up. They think that as a teacher you are an idiot at best and an imposter at worse. The weather is horrible, the skies are dark and grey even at midday.

Yet you step into the staffroom and it's like a time warp. It is like a safe zone, a bunker or an atomic shelter.

No-one gives a toss.

Do they know?

Should I tell them?

I shout hello as I walk in. I shout, I really do. I have noticed if you don't shout your hello no-one replies.

A few look up, shock and horror that someone could be so unprofessional and shout hello. Some mumble a greeting. The others I stare at and they too eventually mutter a feeble good morning.

And then I make my way to my docket to see if there is anything interesting in there. There never is. So I turn round to face the crowd of my colleagues at break time. 

And every time I get this feeling that I don't belong here, that they are all a bit weird. I have known quite a number of staff rooms and yet I have never seen one quite like this one.

They all stand! All through break time they stand there, gathered around tables. They stand in their coats, their bags on the table, no coffee mugs in sight. They stand and, wait because it gets worse, they stand and they talk about work, about lessons and kids and exercices and the curriculum. 

I do feel like shouting again, something offensive like 'hey you people don't you have a life outside school?' or cheeky 'hey guys does anyone ever drink coffee in here?' but I do not because I have already shouted hello and that would be far too much shouting for one day.

So I stare and I pinch myself. Only to sink into despair as I realise that this is not nightmare but just my work environment. 

And so I cross the whole room again towards the exit.

'You know about that part of the curriculum, I'll never get it done in time, I really do not now what I am going to do! What about you? Are you managing with 5B?'

'This is good, yes, I do the questionnaire before hand so that they know when they get to the test that ...'

'I have 65 papers to mark before the weekend or my wife will kill me.'

'I have to mail Cordelia in 6A, she's going through school phobia ...'

These people are unreal, they do not eat biscuits, do not drink coffee and come to think of it, there very rarely is a queue in the restrooms.

I mean this would be a little far fetched but there could be a possibility that this establishment is used as premises to test a special kind of robots, humanoids who are programmed to teach and just that. That would explain a lot: the standing in the staffroom, the zero coffee zone, the zero queuing to go to the loo. Maybe some days they get some flesh and blood ones back or maybe there are a few real humans like me? That would explain the grumpy secretaries taking ages to write down in their little books that Mrs F has asked for 3 black board markers and 2 red cartridges on the 24th November and she already wanted some more black cartridges on December 4th. That would explain the fact that, apart from me, no teacher ever ever shouts in the classrooms or the corridors? 

O-M-G !!!!!!!

That's it. I'm sure of it now. I am in a Stepford Wives scenario. 

OH NO!!!!!